Whoa!!! It's almost May of 2009, and I haven't been here for sooooooo long.
I haven't been well these past few days, so, just stayed at home, being lazy. I am overwhelmed to see some visitors on the map,thanks for stopping by. Don't know if any really do read my whole lot of ramblings here :p
It's the red alert about swine flu lately that's been keeping everyone worried. Imagine, not enough with the deadly bird's flu, now, SWINE FLU?!? (well, not that I ever eat anything associated to pig) What's happening to the world??? Imagine if it's going to turn into Cow's flu or whatsoever? What are we going to eat? Aiyooo...how troublesome is that. I cannot imagine every human being on earth becoming a vegetarian.Na'uzubillah..
I remember back when I was in my undergrad years, learning Virology, how dangerous it is when an illness is associated with virus. Compared to bacteria, virus is a very simple microorganism consisting only a sheath of protein coat and genetic material, either DNA or RNA. And it is the most easily mutated.So, be careful everyone!
Almost 5 months has past. I have my ups and downs,and I think, it will stay that way all the time. I am never good at coping with stress. And if I am really in my depressed mode, the obvious thing that would happen is puking, few times everyday. And the outcome- an easy weight loss. And yesterday, I was hit by an idea of writing a poem, funny, because poem is not my cup of tea actually. I was thinking if it could ever somehow be turned into a song, hopefully to be performed by Maroon 5, hahaha..I love Adam Levine so much!! haha..talking about gorgeous hunks, my no. 1 favourite will always be the cool Keanu Reeves, then Matt Dallas (Kyle XY), and Eric Mabius from ugly Betty, awwww....I love his enchanting blue eyes so much. Which connects to the song by Donna Lewis ('I love you always forever' played repeatedly on my music playlist: "you've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen") And not to forget, my favourite hero from my favourite Merlin TV show- the charming Prince Arthur- Bradley James. Oh please...I really hope that the 2nd season will bring him closer to Gwen, with some lover dovey scenes. Muahhh..
You & Me
Don’t give up on me..please
I just need some time alone
For some straightening of the clutters in my mind
I cannot live without you
I could never imagine my life without you
I know I’ve hurt you so much
And for everything I did,
I know I don’t deserve another chance
I’ve hurt myself too, from hurting you
To see you patiently waiting for me this long
I feel helpless from the love you’ve given me
You deserve better
But I don’t ever want to lose you to anyone else
I want you, I need you
For myself alone
I am my selfish self when it comes to loving you
I pray for the strength to stand
For the courage to battle my pride
To bring you completely into my life
Please don’t give up on me
I know this is too much of a request
Please give me some time
I believe in you and me
The day will come
When I hold you in my arms
Forever, you are mine
And our loves are for eternity
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Good bye 2008
It's 6 more hours to midnight, which means, another 6 hours left of 2008. Looking back, there has been so many things happening this year, which made me laugh as much as I cry. OK, maybe I didn't cry too much, but laugh more than crying. But I remember several times when my world collapsed and my heart was ripping. When tears coming out of your eyes, you would feel better after the last one drops out of your eyes. But when your heart is crying, you won't see anything coming out, but it is drying your soul out like the drought hits the beautiful savanna. (Better watch National Geographic to know what exactly happen there).
I'm searching for the meaning of my existence. I don't know if by just being myself, have I ever touched anyone's heart, in a good way, and if ever it was in a bad way, please forgive me, for all my shortcomings. I am not trying to be perfect, as perfect is overrated. But I do want to be a good person, at least in the God's vision, and to at least start loving myself.
Goals..among all I have,what have I achieved this year? I think,none of the most important ones. If I list it all out like Bridget Jones, hmm...I'm certain it will keep changing every minutes. But I think, I was born as a fighter. I fought to live before I was born, I fought to be where I have been, I have fought for everything. Even if I have lost many battles, I'm still here, and still being alive is the biggest battle that I have won,Alhamdulillah.
Hijri New Year was 2 days ago, and tomorrow is a new day for a new year. Hopefully tomorrow and beyond will bring so much more success & happiness for me and everyone. Have a blessed life and may we grow to be a better person than we have been this year. Goodbye 2008...
I'm searching for the meaning of my existence. I don't know if by just being myself, have I ever touched anyone's heart, in a good way, and if ever it was in a bad way, please forgive me, for all my shortcomings. I am not trying to be perfect, as perfect is overrated. But I do want to be a good person, at least in the God's vision, and to at least start loving myself.
Goals..among all I have,what have I achieved this year? I think,none of the most important ones. If I list it all out like Bridget Jones, hmm...I'm certain it will keep changing every minutes. But I think, I was born as a fighter. I fought to live before I was born, I fought to be where I have been, I have fought for everything. Even if I have lost many battles, I'm still here, and still being alive is the biggest battle that I have won,Alhamdulillah.
Hijri New Year was 2 days ago, and tomorrow is a new day for a new year. Hopefully tomorrow and beyond will bring so much more success & happiness for me and everyone. Have a blessed life and may we grow to be a better person than we have been this year. Goodbye 2008...
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
If only...
This morning, in Flyfm's Fix-it was about a girl, who summoned up her courage to propose to a guy she loves, got rejected, she laughed and hung-up the phone. Well, I've been there,done that and I know very well how it wasn't really a laugh. Ben & Nadia called her back,asking if she's ok, and from the sound of it, I knew she's not going to be ok for a long time. So, if I ever get to meet her, the one thing I'd like to say is, "Welcome to the club, let's go to my secluded big,white,cold room. i think,your red flakes are there too".
I remember posting on my Friendster's blog, a snippet from a book I read, titled "Ku pinang Engkau Dengan Hamdalah" about proposal from women. I'm too lazy to translate it in English, but the writer mentioned that Islam allow woman offering herself to a man who she trusts of having a strong faith and trustworthy to be her husband. It is a part of a way for self-remonstrance (mujahadah).
If only you're mine,
your soul, your heart, your love are for me alone,
how I wish you'll be mine forever
in this life and the hereafter.
If only you're mine,
I know by then that my prayers are really answered,
when you love me in return, with all your heart
I'll be the happiest person on earth
That's it,it's not complete, but I have no more idea. I'm still inside that room. I'm really really tired of moving on. This time, I want to stay, as long as I could. Call me crazy, but I don't care about anything anymore.
I remember posting on my Friendster's blog, a snippet from a book I read, titled "Ku pinang Engkau Dengan Hamdalah" about proposal from women. I'm too lazy to translate it in English, but the writer mentioned that Islam allow woman offering herself to a man who she trusts of having a strong faith and trustworthy to be her husband. It is a part of a way for self-remonstrance (mujahadah).
If only you're mine,
your soul, your heart, your love are for me alone,
how I wish you'll be mine forever
in this life and the hereafter.
If only you're mine,
I know by then that my prayers are really answered,
when you love me in return, with all your heart
I'll be the happiest person on earth
That's it,it's not complete, but I have no more idea. I'm still inside that room. I'm really really tired of moving on. This time, I want to stay, as long as I could. Call me crazy, but I don't care about anything anymore.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Virgo women personality
This is taken from an e-mail,forwarded by my cousin long ago, which I find that it is ALMOST similar to my own personality.hmm...interesting..
She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.
You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her,so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.
She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her love one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.
She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.
She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secret, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comments her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier.
She is not an innocent angle for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently.
She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angle again . If you have a date with her , you’d better be there on time.
Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money.Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny.
In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.
Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.
She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.
You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her,so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.
She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her love one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.
She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.
She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secret, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comments her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier.
She is not an innocent angle for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently.
She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angle again . If you have a date with her , you’d better be there on time.
Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money.Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny.
In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.
Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Broken
Ever imagine yourself sitting in a secluded corner of a huge, cold, white room, crying your heart all out, watching pieces of red flakers (which is your heart) shattered all over the room on the floor. You've worked so hard picking up each and every piece of it, trying to mend it to be whole again. I did, many, many times, and today, it happen again, and this time, I don't think I'll be picking any of those pieces anymore.
Ever tried so hard to believe in your prayers? You repeat it over and over again like a chant, until sometimes, you fell asleep reciting it. I did, with all my heart, I believed and wanting to keep believing it. Just when you think your prayers were answered, you are, losing it again. I don't need a reason to be angry with God, even how ill, very very ill my fate is. But now, I guess, I shouldn't say that specific prayer anymore, because here I am, broken again, after believing in it was answered.
I am here, in my huge, cold, white room, looking at the red flakes of my heart, which I am certain, at this point of time, I am not going to mend them anymore.
Ever tried so hard to believe in your prayers? You repeat it over and over again like a chant, until sometimes, you fell asleep reciting it. I did, with all my heart, I believed and wanting to keep believing it. Just when you think your prayers were answered, you are, losing it again. I don't need a reason to be angry with God, even how ill, very very ill my fate is. But now, I guess, I shouldn't say that specific prayer anymore, because here I am, broken again, after believing in it was answered.
I am here, in my huge, cold, white room, looking at the red flakes of my heart, which I am certain, at this point of time, I am not going to mend them anymore.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Long week..
The title explains itself. Last week, I went to Pahang, about 4 hours drive from Shah Alam, with a bus fuul of postgrad student of my faculty. We had a great time there, a programme with secondary school students, and I think, this is my first time becoming a facilitator in such programme. I only used to be so during my school years, and matriculation, never during my undergrad and postgrad. There are some shortcomings, but its understandable, for a school in rural area. So, we tried to make the best of everything available. Two days there, on Wed & Thu.
On our way back to Shah Alam, the bus broke down all of a sudden and its kinda scary, being in the middle of nowhere, dark, quiet and isolated. Good enough that the university has a lot of branch campusses, in almost every state.So, one that's exactly in our radius there lent us a bus, but we still had to wait an hour for it to fetch us. Upon arrival at the main campus, again, we had to wait to go home, the security personnel locked the gate of the resident college where we all parked our cars. I arrived home very late, alone, and that was my first time too. Hopped into bed at 3 am..imagine how exhausted I was..
Before going there, I downloaded an antivirus trial software,the latest version, in a hope that if it works well, I may want to buy one. And unfortunately, I found my computer to be a big mess on Friday, upon returning from the trip. Couldn't get connected to the internet and it really drove me nuts! So, after some advice from a few computer shops I went to, they all asked me to format the computer to prevent further damage. So, as I was so broke, I tried, for the very first time, formatting my beloved laptop, with a great fear in my heart and loads of prayers that it will go on smoothly. I have all the things needed, OS and drivers CDs, and alhamdulillah, it turned out well. So, prior to tranferring all my works back into the computer, I HAD to buy the antivirus software,as I am pretty sure, the mess was from the many malicious things nesting inside her. That's when I bought Kapersky Internet Security 2009, with the hope that he will guard my precious baby to the fullest.Hope its worth buying.
My bookstore trips made a progress I think,rather than just 1 in 3 months, I had several trips on October alone, and I loved them. First, MPH book festival at the SACC Mall, Kinokuniya KLCC,Borders Time Square, MPH Subang Parade, and last weekend, MPH Giant Section 13. There, I found a used book stall, but nothing interesting, most were very old novels of the 80s and 90s.
What else? I'm still in search of my happiness, never stop praying. Now, doing labworks again, after the pre-viva session, my boss asked me to repeat the characterisation, because the graph was too good to be true. Odd isn't it? Of course it should, I stayed in my lab until late at night alone, in this empty building. Something strange about this faculty-nobody stays to work after office hour,you'll find the building extremely quiet after 7 pm, which was a culture shock for me when I first stepped in here. I used to spend 24 hours in the lab, eating and sleeping, can literally say that it was my 2nd home in my undergrad years.
Enough with the rantings.I need to eat, I'm starrrrvvinnnggg....
On our way back to Shah Alam, the bus broke down all of a sudden and its kinda scary, being in the middle of nowhere, dark, quiet and isolated. Good enough that the university has a lot of branch campusses, in almost every state.So, one that's exactly in our radius there lent us a bus, but we still had to wait an hour for it to fetch us. Upon arrival at the main campus, again, we had to wait to go home, the security personnel locked the gate of the resident college where we all parked our cars. I arrived home very late, alone, and that was my first time too. Hopped into bed at 3 am..imagine how exhausted I was..
Before going there, I downloaded an antivirus trial software,the latest version, in a hope that if it works well, I may want to buy one. And unfortunately, I found my computer to be a big mess on Friday, upon returning from the trip. Couldn't get connected to the internet and it really drove me nuts! So, after some advice from a few computer shops I went to, they all asked me to format the computer to prevent further damage. So, as I was so broke, I tried, for the very first time, formatting my beloved laptop, with a great fear in my heart and loads of prayers that it will go on smoothly. I have all the things needed, OS and drivers CDs, and alhamdulillah, it turned out well. So, prior to tranferring all my works back into the computer, I HAD to buy the antivirus software,as I am pretty sure, the mess was from the many malicious things nesting inside her. That's when I bought Kapersky Internet Security 2009, with the hope that he will guard my precious baby to the fullest.Hope its worth buying.
My bookstore trips made a progress I think,rather than just 1 in 3 months, I had several trips on October alone, and I loved them. First, MPH book festival at the SACC Mall, Kinokuniya KLCC,Borders Time Square, MPH Subang Parade, and last weekend, MPH Giant Section 13. There, I found a used book stall, but nothing interesting, most were very old novels of the 80s and 90s.
What else? I'm still in search of my happiness, never stop praying. Now, doing labworks again, after the pre-viva session, my boss asked me to repeat the characterisation, because the graph was too good to be true. Odd isn't it? Of course it should, I stayed in my lab until late at night alone, in this empty building. Something strange about this faculty-nobody stays to work after office hour,you'll find the building extremely quiet after 7 pm, which was a culture shock for me when I first stepped in here. I used to spend 24 hours in the lab, eating and sleeping, can literally say that it was my 2nd home in my undergrad years.
Enough with the rantings.I need to eat, I'm starrrrvvinnnggg....
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Inviting happiness into your life
Too much hought lingered through my mind that I kept waking up several times last night. Heavy thinking, and it messed up with my nightly sleep.I hope I won't get grumpy today, a mug of coffee is in my system now, hopefully,enough to wake up my senses.
This week is gonna be tough, I have important things to tend to but ugh...I really really really want to be happy..(yeah, I repeat the word three times purposely).You wanna know why? I watched Oprah on Hallmark a couple of weeks ago.That night was the Book Club night, and she discussed about Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" (I adore the cover of that book..Credits to Green Wellies from Flickr for the image).
I'd been eyeing that book for a long time during my occasional (like once in 3 month? because I was so busy :P) visits to MPH and Borders. If you look at her face, she's glowing with happiness, finally, after her long search of it. The book is inspiring as Elizabeth takes us to Italy, India and Indonesia as she searches for the true meaning of her existance and discover herself in each of those places. At the end of her journey, she finally found love, when she least expected it. (Ahh..I heard everyone telling me that..it better works!!) So, the 3 times really was her idea that on every beginning of the day, start by writing in your journal or diary the things that you really really really want to achieve that day. Because the 3 times wanting it makes you feel more motivated. Hmm..I'm not good at giving book review, but this is my best effort (you can laugh at my silly attempt,I don't mind..).
So,again, I really really really want to be happy and successful in my life and I really really really hope I can share it with someone I love (only God knows where he is, and I wish he will find me here, someday, soon enough..I am waiting for you with all my heart and love..Mr Whoever You Are. In order to have love, I am moving forward now, and start loving myself. Only by loving yourself you will find love. Allah created us with love. Find love in Him, confide in God when you have no one to listen to you, He will always listen.
Remember the 3 times really!
This week is gonna be tough, I have important things to tend to but ugh...I really really really want to be happy..(yeah, I repeat the word three times purposely).You wanna know why? I watched Oprah on Hallmark a couple of weeks ago.That night was the Book Club night, and she discussed about Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" (I adore the cover of that book..Credits to Green Wellies from Flickr for the image).
I'd been eyeing that book for a long time during my occasional (like once in 3 month? because I was so busy :P) visits to MPH and Borders. If you look at her face, she's glowing with happiness, finally, after her long search of it. The book is inspiring as Elizabeth takes us to Italy, India and Indonesia as she searches for the true meaning of her existance and discover herself in each of those places. At the end of her journey, she finally found love, when she least expected it. (Ahh..I heard everyone telling me that..it better works!!) So, the 3 times really was her idea that on every beginning of the day, start by writing in your journal or diary the things that you really really really want to achieve that day. Because the 3 times wanting it makes you feel more motivated. Hmm..I'm not good at giving book review, but this is my best effort (you can laugh at my silly attempt,I don't mind..).
So,again, I really really really want to be happy and successful in my life and I really really really hope I can share it with someone I love (only God knows where he is, and I wish he will find me here, someday, soon enough..I am waiting for you with all my heart and love..Mr Whoever You Are. In order to have love, I am moving forward now, and start loving myself. Only by loving yourself you will find love. Allah created us with love. Find love in Him, confide in God when you have no one to listen to you, He will always listen.
Remember the 3 times really!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
