Friday, November 6, 2009

Online Life - My juicy gossips (Part 2)

Hiya!! Sooo...this would be a continuation of my previous post. Talking about how social networking websites & online life can cause a huge mess in our life sometimes. As I have mentioned in my previous posts about my own dramas, I guess, it won't hurt to share some insights of what I have gone through via the snippets I've came across in some online articles.

1)Sharing OR Showing off?
"They have it all, me- still looking and waiting for my own time to come." Hmm...sounds familiar? This is what we- the singles would hear ringing constantly in our mind when seeing our circle of friends settle down one after another. And the worst part is...they publish their updates of new lives ON the social networking sites. Oh wait, that's not the worst yet..this one is: PDA and all the lovey dovey words as status message, and sometimes, even the bedroom story stuff. (ewwww...)

"My hubby goes for outstation..miss him already" OR "Oh baby..please don't kick mommy's belly too much :p" ..bla..bla..bla..

I bring this on after I saw a post on Yahoo Shine from a girl, also at the brink of 30 talking about the same thing..And I welcome myself on board to join her. I have spent soo many hours reading almost all of the comments beneath her post, some supporting & agreeing while some others with hate words.
But I respect a comment from "Maya":

"My best friend is single, and when we talk, I don't talk about my guy (unless she asks). She and I had a relationship long before I ever knew him, and I don't want to lose that aspect of my life with her. Frankly, I actually like talking to her about things none related to my day to day life. It's like a breath of fresh air."

..and a few other married with kids women who thinks that private lives are to be kept private. No need to publish everything and tell the whole world. Almost every married woman with kids experience the same thing; lovely wedding, nice husband, being pregnant, and so on. And...will you be able to publish the same updates and oh so lovely new things about each kid you will have in the future? Not going to be fair if you are so proud of your first, and not the 2nd, 3rd, 4th,....(you should get the idea by now..)

Two peoples who are too immersed in love wouldn't care about the world revolving around them because they are in their own world. It's undeniable how they would change from a caring and fun friend to hang out with into someone who would distant themselves from their circle of friends. The no. 1 excuse is always COMMITMENT. One more thing, imagine a couple of lovers or husband & wife, had an argument at home, and shout it out as their status message on the networking site for the world (or their contacts) to see. Ugly sight isn't it? But also, imagine how worried, all (or some of) the contacts would feel when the fight only got worse. If you really want to share your life, we ARE sharing it by viewing all your feelings & heartbreaks you have posted. So, talk to us, respond to our concerns when we ask you about it, let us know and who knows, if we can help?
While..when they are in good terms: "Got laid last night :D" - Ewww...Uglier I would say.

2)Online relationship: Smooth sailing OR Shipwreck?

I have gone through one, and I am in another one. I won't talk about the current, but about my past. I found a very interesting article (almost everything is exactly as my case) from "". It was written by a psychologist (Dr Wendy walsh) titled "Dumped by an Online Lover"

What caught my attention was how precise these are:

You meet a guy online and begin an e-mail exchange that evolves into a phone and text relationship. Photos are exchanged. Intimacies are revealed. Weeks or months may go by as you build up to that first date. You begin to fantasize about your possible lives together. Then it's suddenly over. If you're lucky, you get "the chat," or in worst cases, you are suddenly defriended on Facebook. And when this happens, the feelings are very real and very visceral. Confusing, I know. The guy wasn't even a real-world presence. Yet the feelings of loss were so painful. Like a real breakup, you drag your feet for a week or longer and vow never to enter love's snare again.

So, psychologically speaking, what's going on here? Let's start with what's NOT going on here. What's not going on here is authentic love. What's not going on here is a relationship. What IS going on here is something psychologists call mutual projections. In an online courtship, you are in love with your own fantasies of what the perfect love-mate is -- that is, your own projections. And he (if he is actually a he) is doing the same thing. It's like you have a blank screen on which to project the perfect sketch of a mate. And it feels real because he plays along just enough to feed your fantasies. In a cyber matchup, you are not in love with him, the real, thinking, breathing, flawed him. You are in love with hope. Hope that this time he could be the one to bring you happiness. And when that hope is taken away, it hurts. It hurts bad. The loss of hope can sometimes hurt even more than the loss of a real-world guy who might not have put the toilet seat down or taken out the trash. Because in a cyber breakup, you've lost the perfect man.

Get the picture? Online love is NOT real, because we are in love with the ideal person our minds are creating. I'm not saying that it will never work out at all, because I have known several real life friends of mine who met their spouses online and are happily married now. What I am trying to say is, the most important thing in online relationship is honesty.

From the very beginning of the relationship, you NEED to be your true self. And also, don't try to create the ideal or perfect image of your partner that might sound too good to be true. If we have to be very careful in meeting and dating real peoples we can meet in person, online love would require you to be million times more careful. I really recommend reading the above mentioned article, to get more insights as explained by a professional.

..and the MOST IMPORTANT one (or shall I say, the juiciest gossip :p )

3)The WWW is the perfect playground for Tomcats

I have seen several peoples get hitched from meeting via the world wide web, and also have witnessed how several marriages turned rocky from it as well. The truth is, everyone can be anonymous online. Internet life is so much easier to turn someone from 'zero' into 'hero'. Just by using great catchphrase and few tricks, someone can be fooled into falling in love with such a wonderful guy (or chick) when in the real world he/she is a married guy/woman or an internet playboy/playgirl.

I've read horrible stories of how some were tricked into steamy online dating, where they were willing to show 'everything' on cam to the so called boyfriend, and later, been blackmailed for money if they don't want their photos or video leaked on the internet. Also some married men who hide their status and pretend to be a single in their online profile, luring so many single women into falling in love with them while at the same time, abandoning their real life wife or worse, kids. Don't think this doesn't happen the other way there are some married women cheating on their husband the same way. CHEATING! Imagine that..

So, please, be extra careful with your online life. I am saying this based on my own experiences and hmm...I've learnt my lessons, but I am not giving up (yet) to try again. It's just my personal preference, as I am a real-life social introvert, but I consider myself as socializing well in my online world. I am being more careful now, and alhamdulillah, I have met someone who is honest and I can really trust now. Sounds like my 3rd chance (yeah..3rd! My 2nd chance has gone into the drain already. May this one be a true one, and I really hope we will be united in the real world soon enough..amiin..

p/s: Mr F, please read & review :p

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My juicy gossips

Think again: Is it "Love" or "Infatuation"

A little recap of what have been happening these past few months would take me to think again of a few series of my self-reflections. I remember when I spent one whole week hooked up to my pen-pal site talking to a few strangers who later, became a source of my big turning point in life. Now, came to think of it, I wonder whether those past experiences that I've had (wohoo..mostly failures and stupidity I would stress), I honestly don't know which one of those 2 categories would they fit in?

IF, according to Wikipedia, the oh so famous online encyclopedia that use too frequently *wink*, the word 'Love' means:
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my boyfriend"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

While 'Infatuation' means:
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.
Infatuation is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. Infatuation is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of infatuation, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire (generally unattainable).

Now, I admit that my most previous 'episode' was inexplicably the latter. And of course, I have always regret to have fallen into such a phase in life, which is utterly a waste of time and emotion. Not once, but I can say, a few times. Though I am still grateful that they were short-lived. I suddenly remember (roughly) a dialogue in one of the only 2 Korean drama series I've ever followed, Goong (a.k.a Princess Hours), when the Great Queen told the Princess that young age is the age when people often make mistakes, and from those mistakes, they learn about life. So, I've learnt my lesson the hard way, and's probably time for me to stop getting involved in looking.

I'll stop now, there's more to come in my series of rants. Just a little cliffhanger, I'd like to address a few issues from my observations, on how having the social networking websites can somehow messing up with our real life. I'm talking about Dramaqueens..ahhaaa...juicy gossips.. :p
Till then, have a nice week!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Love- Present and the future

Being faithful - priceless...

I read some articles featured in Yahoo homepage yesterday, and I could feel the devastation of those being cheated on. The wife of a politician in the US, whose battling cancer and a cheating husband. My God, is he heartless? Your wife, who is clinging on to dear life, shared your ups and downs for so many years, mother to your children. I don't have even the slightest bit of respect to such a guy. It's been lingering in my mind for quite some times, to write a note about faithfulness and relationships. I have some experiences myself, of being cheated on. And I know, there are many women out there who have been there too.

Even for any woman who cheats on her husband, I think, that's the biggest mistake they are making. Marriage, to me, is sacred thing.There are so many women out there praying with tears every single day & night for a spouse to love and to be loved by. Cheaters are horrible, and they don't deserve to be respected-well, that's how angry I am, thinking about this issue. They would always say, they deserve a second chance, ok, everyone deserve a second chance, but in other things, not cheating. Another article I found online stated that it runs in their blood, sort of 'inherited' thingy. And how scary is that! They can go on with “Everyone makes a mistake", "nobody's perfect", bla bla bla...gosh!!! Ok, I can go on ranting about this, but I'll stop now.

To the person I love,

I miss the sound of your voice (Matt Nathanson, Come on get higher)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I'm back...

Whoa!!! It's almost May of 2009, and I haven't been here for sooooooo long.
I haven't been well these past few days, so, just stayed at home, being lazy. I am overwhelmed to see some visitors on the map,thanks for stopping by. Don't know if any really do read my whole lot of ramblings here :p

It's the red alert about swine flu lately that's been keeping everyone worried. Imagine, not enough with the deadly bird's flu, now, SWINE FLU?!? (well, not that I ever eat anything associated to pig) What's happening to the world??? Imagine if it's going to turn into Cow's flu or whatsoever? What are we going to eat? troublesome is that. I cannot imagine every human being on earth becoming a vegetarian.Na'uzubillah..

I remember back when I was in my undergrad years, learning Virology, how dangerous it is when an illness is associated with virus. Compared to bacteria, virus is a very simple microorganism consisting only a sheath of protein coat and genetic material, either DNA or RNA. And it is the most easily mutated.So, be careful everyone!

Almost 5 months has past. I have my ups and downs,and I think, it will stay that way all the time. I am never good at coping with stress. And if I am really in my depressed mode, the obvious thing that would happen is puking, few times everyday. And the outcome- an easy weight loss. And yesterday, I was hit by an idea of writing a poem, funny, because poem is not my cup of tea actually. I was thinking if it could ever somehow be turned into a song, hopefully to be performed by Maroon 5, hahaha..I love Adam Levine so much!! haha..talking about gorgeous hunks, my no. 1 favourite will always be the cool Keanu Reeves, then Matt Dallas (Kyle XY), and Eric Mabius from ugly Betty, awwww....I love his enchanting blue eyes so much. Which connects to the song by Donna Lewis ('I love you always forever' played repeatedly on my music playlist: "you've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen") And not to forget, my favourite hero from my favourite Merlin TV show- the charming Prince Arthur- Bradley James. Oh please...I really hope that the 2nd season will bring him closer to Gwen, with some lover dovey scenes. Muahhh..

You & Me
Don’t give up on me..please
I just need some time alone
For some straightening of the clutters in my mind
I cannot live without you
I could never imagine my life without you

I know I’ve hurt you so much
And for everything I did,
I know I don’t deserve another chance
I’ve hurt myself too, from hurting you
To see you patiently waiting for me this long
I feel helpless from the love you’ve given me

You deserve better
But I don’t ever want to lose you to anyone else
I want you, I need you
For myself alone
I am my selfish self when it comes to loving you

I pray for the strength to stand
For the courage to battle my pride
To bring you completely into my life
Please don’t give up on me
I know this is too much of a request
Please give me some time

I believe in you and me
The day will come
When I hold you in my arms
Forever, you are mine
And our loves are for eternity