1)Sharing OR Showing off?
"They have it all, me- still looking and waiting for my own time to come." Hmm...sounds familiar? This is what we- the singles would hear ringing constantly in our mind when seeing our circle of friends settle down one after another. And the worst part is...they publish their updates of new lives ON the social networking sites. Oh wait, that's not the worst yet..this one is: PDA and all the lovey dovey words as status message, and sometimes, even the bedroom story stuff. (ewwww...)
"My hubby goes for outstation..miss him already" OR "Oh baby..please don't kick mommy's belly too much :p" ..bla..bla..bla..
I bring this on after I saw a post on Yahoo Shine from a girl, also at the brink of 30 talking about the same thing..And I welcome myself on board to join her. I have spent soo many hours reading almost all of the comments beneath her post, some supporting & agreeing while some others with hate words.
But I respect a comment from "Maya":
"My best friend is single, and when we talk, I don't talk about my guy (unless she asks). She and I had a relationship long before I ever knew him, and I don't want to lose that aspect of my life with her. Frankly, I actually like talking to her about things none related to my day to day life. It's like a breath of fresh air."
..and a few other married with kids women who thinks that private lives are to be kept private. No need to publish everything and tell the whole world. Almost every married woman with kids experience the same thing; lovely wedding, nice husband, being pregnant, and so on. And...will you be able to publish the same updates and oh so lovely new things about each kid you will have in the future? Not going to be fair if you are so proud of your first, and not the 2nd, 3rd, 4th,....(you should get the idea by now..)
Two peoples who are too immersed in love wouldn't care about the world revolving around them because they are in their own world. It's undeniable how they would change from a caring and fun friend to hang out with into someone who would distant themselves from their circle of friends. The no. 1 excuse is always COMMITMENT. One more thing, imagine a couple of lovers or husband & wife, had an argument at home, and shout it out as their status message on the networking site for the world (or their contacts) to see. Ugly sight isn't it? But also, imagine how worried, all (or some of) the contacts would feel when the fight only got worse. If you really want to share your life, we ARE sharing it by viewing all your feelings & heartbreaks you have posted. So, talk to us, respond to our concerns when we ask you about it, let us know and who knows, if we can help?
While..when they are in good terms: "Got laid last night :D" - Ewww...Uglier I would say.
2)Online relationship: Smooth sailing OR Shipwreck?
I have gone through one, and I am in another one. I won't talk about the current, but about my past. I found a very interesting article (almost everything is exactly as my case) from "momlogic.com". It was written by a psychologist (Dr Wendy walsh) titled "Dumped by an Online Lover"
What caught my attention was how precise these are:
You meet a guy online and begin an e-mail exchange that evolves into a phone and text relationship. Photos are exchanged. Intimacies are revealed. Weeks or months may go by as you build up to that first date. You begin to fantasize about your possible lives together. Then it's suddenly over. If you're lucky, you get "the chat," or in worst cases, you are suddenly defriended on Facebook. And when this happens, the feelings are very real and very visceral. Confusing, I know. The guy wasn't even a real-world presence. Yet the feelings of loss were so painful. Like a real breakup, you drag your feet for a week or longer and vow never to enter love's snare again.
So, psychologically speaking, what's going on here? Let's start with what's NOT going on here. What's not going on here is authentic love. What's not going on here is a relationship. What IS going on here is something psychologists call mutual projections. In an online courtship, you are in love with your own fantasies of what the perfect love-mate is -- that is, your own projections. And he (if he is actually a he) is doing the same thing. It's like you have a blank screen on which to project the perfect sketch of a mate. And it feels real because he plays along just enough to feed your fantasies. In a cyber matchup, you are not in love with him, the real, thinking, breathing, flawed him. You are in love with hope. Hope that this time he could be the one to bring you happiness. And when that hope is taken away, it hurts. It hurts bad. The loss of hope can sometimes hurt even more than the loss of a real-world guy who might not have put the toilet seat down or taken out the trash. Because in a cyber breakup, you've lost the perfect man.
Get the picture? Online love is NOT real, because we are in love with the ideal person our minds are creating. I'm not saying that it will never work out at all, because I have known several real life friends of mine who met their spouses online and are happily married now. What I am trying to say is, the most important thing in online relationship is honesty.
From the very beginning of the relationship, you NEED to be your true self. And also, don't try to create the ideal or perfect image of your partner that might sound too good to be true. If we have to be very careful in meeting and dating real peoples we can meet in person, online love would require you to be million times more careful. I really recommend reading the above mentioned article, to get more insights as explained by a professional.
..and the MOST IMPORTANT one (or shall I say, the juiciest gossip :p )
3)The WWW is the perfect playground for Tomcats
I have seen several peoples get hitched from meeting via the world wide web, and also have witnessed how several marriages turned rocky from it as well. The truth is, everyone can be anonymous online. Internet life is so much easier to turn someone from 'zero' into 'hero'. Just by using great catchphrase and few tricks, someone can be fooled into falling in love with such a wonderful guy (or chick) when in the real world he/she is a married guy/woman or an internet playboy/playgirl.
I've read horrible stories of how some were tricked into steamy online dating, where they were willing to show 'everything' on cam to the so called boyfriend, and later, been blackmailed for money if they don't want their photos or video leaked on the internet. Also some married men who hide their status and pretend to be a single in their online profile, luring so many single women into falling in love with them while at the same time, abandoning their real life wife or worse, kids. Don't think this doesn't happen the other way round..as there are some married women cheating on their husband the same way. CHEATING! Imagine that..
So, please, be extra careful with your online life. I am saying this based on my own experiences and hmm...I've learnt my lessons, but I am not giving up (yet) to try again. It's just my personal preference, as I am a real-life social introvert, but I consider myself as socializing well in my online world. I am being more careful now, and alhamdulillah, I have met someone who is honest and I can really trust now. Sounds like my 3rd chance (yeah..3rd! My 2nd chance has gone into the drain already. May this one be a true one, and I really hope we will be united in the real world soon enough..amiin..
p/s: Mr F, please read & review :p